Sex and Cheating - What's Love Got To Do With It?

It is mostly the betrayed partner who wants the answer to this question. The betrayer is far too busy juggling their commitments and probably doesn't even care. Love is not really one of their reasons for cheating and they are having too good a time to reflect on this question.

The person who cheats on their partner usually thinks that the reason is sex. This is because for some people their drive to fulfill their sexual desire is strong and having a great sex life is a big enough reason for them to stray. This applies more to men than it does to women which is partly to do with the fact that a woman is appealing to a man because she is shaped so obviously to draw attention and that women can seem so mysterious because men think in a more straightforward way. Mystery = allure = excitement = SEX.

When one person is attracted to another there usually is no love involved. They do not even know the other person therefore they cannot love them yet. Sex and cheating have nothing whatsoever to do with love!
After being attracted to a man other than her husband, it will be what this man notices about her and how attentive he is that will determine whether a woman will cheat. If he is continually more attentive, appreciative of her and intrigued by her than her own partner is it may well turn into a long-term betrayal.

So, what's love got to do with it? Well, in this scenario, after a certain amount of time a woman may well begin to feel that she loves this man as he seems so besotted with her. She feels like a million dollars in his company, absolutely special, desired and appreciated.

When a woman then compares this wonderful situation to that of her own relationship, she may well feel that she has become merely a 'home help', occasional sex partner and a chef. It is therefore easy to see why she may continue on her new course and have a full-blown affair. After all, she is having great sex with an amazing man who shows that he totally appreciates her - could it be any better?

Yes, if this was the situation with herself and her husband, it would definitely be the better scenario. It would take work, commitment, love and awareness to turn the relationship around, but it can be done.

Sex and cheating for a man is less complicated. He is attracted to a woman that he sees as beautiful and sexy. If she gives him enough attention he feel encouraged towards her. He then 'shows off' a bit, talks about his achievements and capabilities. If she admires these attributes he will find her more irresistible. It is easy for him then to be sexually aroused in her company. What's love got to do with it? Absolutely nothing and may never have particularly if sex with this woman is fantastic.

So, a woman feeling unappreciated by her partner may start to feel unattractive, sexless and boring. When a new man contradicts these feelings by being very appreciative of her she feels attractive, sexy and interesting in his company and this is dangerous territory.

When a man does not feel admired by his partner he feels worthless, incapable and less of a man. When a new woman opposes these feelings by showing him admiration he feels worthwhile, capable and very much a man - again this is dangerous territory.

Most people involved in these cheating scenarios will not be thinking in these term. This is unfortunate because if they only could they would be more likely to get together with their partners and turn their relationship back into what it once was - a wonderful place to live.

So, Sex and cheating - what's love got to do with it? As you can see mostly not much at all. Some people will confuse the love of the feeling sex gives them with the love of a person, when they take the sex out of the situation they find no reason to stay. Sometimes though, it is too late when this discovery is made. Their infidelity has been discovered and they have already lost the love and respect of a good man/woman. If only we could make the connection sooner.

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You can chat with me about relationship issues or personal development. I am now a 'Wizpert' contributor and you can find me at:-  http://wizpert.com/sue1 

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Are You In A Toxic Relationship?

Toxic Love is something that people in relationships seem loathed to think about. In fact most people would hate to admit that their relationship could possibly be unhealthy in any way. This is most likely because they feel this may suggest that there is something unhealthy about them as individuals because they have somehow created a toxic love and that is never a very welcome thought.

However, some relationships are very unhealthy, therefore they are damaging to the individual partners and the whole family if there are children involved. Toxic love can be difficult to diagnose and it requires courage, sincerity and strength to recognise and remedy.

I strongly recommend that you check out1000 Questions For Couplesa book by Michael Webb. It's a good place to start exploring your knowledge of yourself and your partner, to enable you to determine whether your relationship needs strengthening and in what directions.

Signs of Toxic Love:-

1) If you have changed certain things about yourself only to please your partner but not yourself this may be unhealthy especially if you partner has insisted on these changes and you are afraid to 'defy' them.
For instance, it is a sign of a toxic love if your partner has actually told you that you must have a certain hair-style from now on as it is the only one that 'suits' you. You were happy with another style and wanted to keep it but they have put pressure on you to change.

This may sound very tame and seem to be a small thing to be getting suspicious over, and on the one hand I could quite agree with you. But it is not the example per se that we should be concentrating on here but the attitude of the insisting partner. If there is an inferred 'penalty' or consequence to your ignoring their 'request' then this is a sign of toxic love.

2) Your partner may try to make you totally dependent on them. For instance you may have no access to banking information and cash except through your partner. The does seem to be a sign of toxic love. Now they may tell you that this is for your own good and that you should thank them as it will save you a lot of 'headaches' balancing accounts etc. The clue here would be if you feel worried about challenging them on their decisions and whether they are prepared to discuss the situation with you in a calm and friendly manner.
 
Now this could be a sign of toxic love if they say that whenever you need anything you have only to ask them and they will take care of the financing etc., but when you do go to them with a request for money they make the decision as to whether you really need to spend the money on whatever it is you require, making you feel unloved and dependent - like a child.

3) Another sign of dependency creation or toxic love, is that your partner may insist on picking you up and dropping you off wherever you need to go setting time limits on your activities, making you dependant on them for your freedom. The 'giveaway' here is whether you feel you have any choice in the matter, is your partner just being very helpful and caring? Do you feel you can decline their offer and make your own arrangements without some payback or bad feelings? If not this is definitely a sign of toxic love.
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You can chat with me about relationship issues or personal development. I am now a 'Wizpert' contributor and you can find me at:-  http://wizpert.com/sue1
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Attention To Physical Attractiveness Versus Other Purposeful Endeavours

A very good friend of mine informed me recently that another very good friend of mine - his wife Natalie - is 'letting herself go' so to speak,  and he wants something done about it! So, what does he suggest I ask, something like calling in the 'frump' police to give her an official warning? What next, community service or maybe a short prison sentence? He says he wasn't thinking that drastically but there certainly needs to be a change. Or what I ask? Well, he says, I'm really finding her off-putting and care less about spending time around her and I'm afraid it's gonna interfere with our marriage.

Well in that case,  I suggest that you had better do something about it! Me? What can I do about it, she's the one with the problem, he says. Well, maybe she does have some kind of a problem, but you Darling seem to be the one with the problem in this respect. Just because your wife is putting less effort into her appearance for like once in her life, you just can't bear to be anywhere near her anymore - oh, how dramitacally not understanding of you!

Anyway, let's not get too carried away here, I say, what then is she putting alot of effort into if not her appearance? Well, she's suddenly got all interested in discussion groups, feels she can really help some people due to her long and varied financial career, he says. She reckons that there are so many people panicking at the moment due to the recession and they really don't know how to calmly get through this phase and can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. She, on the other hand, knows exactly what a person should do in almost every kind of encouterable situation and she feels compelled to give them the benefit of her knowledge. Consequently she is spending 'days' on internet forums, chat room and blog sites discharging her incredible insights!

Oh, so she's not depressed, suicidal or anything like that then, I ask? No, quite the opposite, she's so charged up about this subject that it's just about all she talks about which, incidentally, has become about as interesting to me as laundry and related topics.

So, Josh, in which particular ways has Natalie 'let herself go' in your opinion? What can I tell you? She hasn't been to the hairdresser in about 3 months and her style is growing-out big time. Oh, is she getting back to that longer, wavy and more natural look that I personally alway loved, I ask? Well, yes I suppose so but I preferred her hair in the straight, angled, long bob she's had for a few years now, and of course with the blonde hi-lights!

It's not just the hair, she's wearing jeans and T.shirts with little cardigans nearly all the time now, well except when she's in those sweat pants and sports tops. You know, she just doesn't look as feminine anymore, jewellery is a distant memory and don't even get me started on the nail polish situation, although I must say how much I used to love

her toes all painted up in that aquamarine shimmer against her lightly tanned feet.

Oh my god, I feel like our whole relationship is in the past, I'm reminiscing about it as though it's already over! I'm afraid that she's just not interested in me anymore and she probably will ask me for a divorse, he dramatically states. So, says I, that's what's really bothering you? Great, I'm glad you got that off your chest, now you really can do something about your problem.

So, what to do?

1)  Don't panic!

2)  It's not all about you!

3)  Natalie just needs to re-balance her life.

4)  Choose the best possible time for her, sit down with her and tell her exactly how you feel without using any blaming words. Don't make it about you, make it about 'us'.

5)  Look for the wonderfulness in what she is doing at the moment. She is selflessly offering a helping hand to those in trouble and using her abundant passion to do the best job possible in that endeavour. She's not wasting her time making sure she is totally presentable at all time in the eyes of others, including you, because at present she has something more important to take care of, try to think outside of yourself!

6)  Try showing an interest in what she's passionate about and give her some encouragement, I think you'll find that she will greatly appreciate your loving approval and if you can see your way to believing that Natalie does not exist firstly to make you happy, you will no longer be worrying about your marriage falling apart.

Also you could try employing the help of a good book like  'A thousand Questions For Couples', which might actually make you sit down together, have a bit of fun and find out things about each other that you have been hitherto unaware of. But whatever you do, make it fun, loving, gentle, sincere and supportive.

How To Have The Perfect Relationship

So, how to have the perfect relationship, supposing such a thing exists. It's all very individual thought isn't it, you know, one man's (or woman's) meat is another's poison and all that! The best way to go about making it much more possible to achieve is to spend some time really deciding what exactly it is that you want from a partner. This entails asking yourself a series of questions followed by absolute honesty on your part.

Start by looking at what you really love in your life, what you love to do, watch, listen to, create. What makes you laugh, brings you joy, increases your fullfilment. What qualities you love in any human beings, how you would like the world to be in general, how you like to be treated. The list is long, but it's really worth the effort.
Once you have that massive list in front of you, then you know that these are many of the qualities you want to find in your perfect partner. And... do not think that you're too picky as there will be many people out there that fit your bill, you just have to know what your 'bill' is!

The problem most of us have is that we haven't clarified exactly what it is we want in a partner and tend to go with a person that we feel attracted to and seems interested in us and try to mould ourselves around them. Ring a bell? We seem to feel that we should build on this existing attraction just becouase it does exist, but this is often the wrong approach, as you will probably have experienced as you wouldn't be readying this if you have the perfect relationship for you!

There's no reason why you can't have what you want in a partner, but it isn't always the other person's fault that you don't, it's more down to you not getting in touch with your own desires and compatibilities.

Relationship Advice For Free

Free Relationship Help - Is It Worthwhile?

You know people often say that you can't get anything worthwhile for nothing. That if it's free then it's not the 'real Mccoy' and that we should be suspicious of anything someone wants to give away as if it will harm us in some way.

I say that people who think like that may have had a bad experience in the past that has required them to protect themselves in such a way. I can totally understand their re-action but also feel that they are subsequently missing out on so much good that could come their way.

That is one reason why I'm giving away a relationship course, yes completely free! My course, although named 'Sex-Life' is actually packed with tons of really good advice to show people how they can transform their relationships by raising their awareness and how this can positively impact their love-lives.

It's easy to follow with lots of examples and the result are almost instantly measurable. My course is perfect for those of you who feel that your relationship has started to go off the boil, starting to feel your partner isn't as interested in you as they used to be and as you would like them to be and in more ways than just sex.

So if you fall into this category and haven't got major really critical relationship problems, just Click on the link at the bottom of this article and take the first step towards turning your relationship into one of harmony, joy and excitement.

You know, we really need to act and not re-act when faced with something that mimics a past experience which caused us pain of some sort. Step back, take some time to really think about the current situation to evaluate whether it is actually a threat to us of any kind.

This way we allow ourselves to push past our limitations and stretch our 'comfort zone' to experience life in different ways. We can then allow ourselves to have faith in other peoples' intentions and learn to accept that many people actually enjoy helping and advising those in need.

Yes, often people do have to charge for their advice and knowledge, just like any other service, but sometimes it just feel right to give something away! When someone accepts one of my gifts it actually makes me happy, so if you do accept I would love to know what you think of my course and whether it has helped you and in which ways as feedback helps me give people what they need in the ways they want it.

You can follow me on twitter if you wish, where I will be posting links to any new relationship articles or courses:- twitter.com/blackfootsu.

You can access my FREE course at: Save My Relationship Rules

Signs Of A Toxic Relationship

Diagnosing a toxic relationship is a very brave step to take, and sometimes it will mean having to leave your relationship permanently if you discover that all the signs of a toxic relationship apply to you and your partner. This can be a very upsetting time as you may feel that you still love your partner and that your partner loves you.

So what are the signs of a toxic relationship? Well if you are reading this article there are obviously some areas of your relationship that you are feeling uncomfortable or down-right miserable about. Maybe some aspects of your relationship are a little scary to you, this is a definite sign that your relationship could be unhealthy, but not necessarily toxic. A few basic pointers of toxicity in a relationship are:-

1) Your partner tries to show you up and make you feel small around other people. Now this may be exhibited under the guise of humour and others may not realise how demeaning your partner is actually being (if they are). The real clue here is whether you are able to discuss this with your partner when you are alone, and if your partner actually feels regret for making you feel undermined and unhappy.

However, If your partner realises that putting you down is not actually funny and can make a committed decision to treat you better in the future because they love you and would never want to hurt you, you may well just have a partner who is 'thoughtless' in certain ways which isn't necessarily a sign of a toxic relationship.

2) More signs of a toxic relationship are that your partner is very controlling of you. Maybe they want to 'manage' your finances by taking them over completely. Now this is ok if you loathe dealing with these things and feel very happy about your partner 'offering' to carry this burden for you. But if you feel as though you have no choice and are concerned about raising this issue with your partner then there are definitely signs of a toxic relationship.

3) Other forms of control can be signs of a toxic relationship, such as your partner makes arrangements for you in your absence and insists that you should honour them and you feel as though you have to do what your partner says. Or your partner feel as though they can do whatever they want, whenever they want but you must do what they say. Also when you have a personal arrangement with a friend or even an appointment, your partner turns up out of the blue, for no apparent reason - checking that you are where you said you would be. These are sure signs of a toxic relationship and they should be taken seriously.

Before I carry on with examples of the signs of a toxic relationship I would like to quickly say..... If you are reading this article because you feel seriously overwhelmed in your relationship, if you feel threatened either physically, emotionally of psychologically or you feel that your children may be at risk within your relationship please seek outside 'physical' help, don't wait to find your answer in my 'signs of a toxic relationship' articles.

If your are experiencing any of the feelings I have just mentioned these are all unquestionable signs of a toxic relationship and you should remove yourself from it as efficiently as you can and turn to trusted friends and family for advice.

Many associations are qualified to assist people in these situations. You can easily check on-line for telephone numbers and addresses of centres close to your location and just explain that there are definite signs of a toxic relationship with your home and you will be offered help.

For more advice on this and related subjects go to: http://savemyrelationshiprules.com

How to get my ex boyfriend back

Does everything you do seem to push your ex boyfriend further away? Are you in this particular situation right now? Are you wondering "what can I do to get my ex boyfriend back?" all day, every day? Below you'll find some great advice to improve your chances of rekindling your relationship. 

Obviously it is very important to you to reunite with your ex boyfriend and you are taking it seriously, otherwise you would not be reading this article. If you are desperate and anxious to get back with your ex, you could be behaving in an non-productive way, hence your ex boyfriend naturally moves away from you. It is generally regarded as natural for humans to resist this kind of influence and opposing human nature is futile as it doesn't bring the desired result.

Do you constantly text him or send him e-mail messages or are you often finding yourself dialling his number? Do you think that he should feel sorry for you? If you are behaving in this manner stop now! If you are asking yourself "what can I do to get my ex boyfriend back" stop doing these things immediately.

So "what is it I can do?" you ask "to get my ex boyfriend back". Try the following advice..........

A completely new approach is needed.

Stop calling and texting, in fact break all contact for now and focus on yourself. Use this time of no communication with your ex boyfriend to improve your personal life, instead of concentrating on your relationship issues. This approach may be challenging at times and will require some discipline on your part, which is necessary to keep you from returning to your previous ways of handling the situation. Because you are not now persuing your ex he will experience a change in the way that he feels about you. As he is no longer aware of your feelings or actions you may now become mysterious to him in some ways. This can be of great benefit to you as you have now created a situation where your ex can actually feel that he misses you, this was not possible for him before as he probably felt smothered by you.

Bear in mind that the basis of this strategy to repair a broken relationship is to embrace human nature as opposed to working against it. So, if you are asking "what can I do to get my ex boyfriend back?", you should now understand what to do to avoid making some basic mistakes. Applying this method allows a balance to return, enabling your ex to realise why and how much he loved you in the begining.

So, just keep your feet on the ground, try not to overwhelm him and remember that when you appear mysterious he will be more able to recall what he has always loved about you. Be elusive (but don't go over-board), await his first move and you will be successful! Then you will no longer be wondering "what can I do to get my ex boyfriend back?".
For more great advice, check out: The magic of making up.