A very good friend of mine informed me recently that another very good friend of mine - his wife Natalie - is 'letting herself go' so to speak, and he wants something done about it! So, what does he suggest I ask, something like calling in the 'frump' police to give her an official warning? What next, community service or maybe a short prison sentence? He says he wasn't thinking that drastically but there certainly needs to be a change. Or what I ask? Well, he says, I'm really finding her off-putting and care less about spending time around her and I'm afraid it's gonna interfere with our marriage.
Well in that case, I suggest that you had better do something about it! Me? What can I do about it, she's the one with the problem, he says. Well, maybe she does have some kind of a problem, but you Darling seem to be the one with the problem in this respect. Just because your wife is putting less effort into her appearance for like once in her life, you just can't bear to be anywhere near her anymore - oh, how dramitacally not understanding of you!
Anyway, let's not get too carried away here, I say, what then is she putting alot of effort into if not her appearance? Well, she's suddenly got all interested in discussion groups, feels she can really help some people due to her long and varied financial career, he says. She reckons that there are so many people panicking at the moment due to the recession and they really don't know how to calmly get through this phase and can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. She, on the other hand, knows exactly what a person should do in almost every kind of encouterable situation and she feels compelled to give them the benefit of her knowledge. Consequently she is spending 'days' on internet forums, chat room and blog sites discharging her incredible insights!
Oh, so she's not depressed, suicidal or anything like that then, I ask? No, quite the opposite, she's so charged up about this subject that it's just about all she talks about which, incidentally, has become about as interesting to me as laundry and related topics.
So, Josh, in which particular ways has Natalie 'let herself go' in your opinion? What can I tell you? She hasn't been to the hairdresser in about 3 months and her style is growing-out big time. Oh, is she getting back to that longer, wavy and more natural look that I personally alway loved, I ask? Well, yes I suppose so but I preferred her hair in the straight, angled, long bob she's had for a few years now, and of course with the blonde hi-lights!
It's not just the hair, she's wearing jeans and T.shirts with little cardigans nearly all the time now, well except when she's in those sweat pants and sports tops. You know, she just doesn't look as feminine anymore, jewellery is a distant memory and don't even get me started on the nail polish situation, although I must say how much I used to love
her toes all painted up in that aquamarine shimmer against her lightly tanned feet.
Oh my god, I feel like our whole relationship is in the past, I'm reminiscing about it as though it's already over! I'm afraid that she's just not interested in me anymore and she probably will ask me for a divorse, he dramatically states. So, says I, that's what's really bothering you? Great, I'm glad you got that off your chest, now you really can do something about your problem.
So, what to do?
1) Don't panic!
2) It's not all about you!
3) Natalie just needs to re-balance her life.
4) Choose the best possible time for her, sit down with her and tell her exactly how you feel without using any blaming words. Don't make it about you, make it about 'us'.
5) Look for the wonderfulness in what she is doing at the moment. She is selflessly offering a helping hand to those in trouble and using her abundant passion to do the best job possible in that endeavour. She's not wasting her time making sure she is totally presentable at all time in the eyes of others, including you, because at present she has something more important to take care of, try to think outside of yourself!
6) Try showing an interest in what she's passionate about and give her some encouragement, I think you'll find that she will greatly appreciate your loving approval and if you can see your way to believing that Natalie does not exist firstly to make you happy, you will no longer be worrying about your marriage falling apart.
Also you could try employing the help of a good book like 'A thousand Questions For Couples', which might actually make you sit down together, have a bit of fun and find out things about each other that you have been hitherto unaware of. But whatever you do, make it fun, loving, gentle, sincere and supportive.
I can’t believe this story. What exactly does he expect from his wife? It sounds like he’s outlining his own insecurities and fears by suggesting that his wife need to keep a certain appearance. She seems happy, she seems active in work that really interests her. It just sounds like she isn’t the magazine cutout he thought he married. It’s really disgusting. I think before he talks to her he needs to evaluate himself and really understand what he wants in life. How does he want to be perceived by his wife and others around him? What are the reasons he wants her to change? And if after all this he still feels he should approach her and ask her to keep up her appearances, he should do so without suggesting that this without insulting his wife in any way. After all, everything he described sounds like someone who has become excited more about helping others than spending time in front of the mirror. He better walk lightly.
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Totally agree with you James. This fella is self absorbed, insecure and not particularly self aware. But...this is actually fiction...based on reality..and is supposed to be slightly humorous. The fella concerned is not as pompous as he may come across and his wife is well used to seeing the humour in his attitude. Thanks for your comment.
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